Chapter Twenty

I was still fuming Sunday morning. I banged a plate of toast down on the table, being careful to side at the opposite end of the table as my mother. I chewed the toast viciously, titanic bites that bulged at the side of my cheeks. My mother quietly asked me to stop. I chewed harder.

I stood up to put another piece of toast in the toaster. Crumbs were scattered about my shirt, my mouth speared with jelly. My mother pursed her lips, watching the dreaded crumbs fall onto her spotless tile floor. It made me wince chewing like that, I hate messy eaters, but I pulled it off, and my mother was, though she didn't show it, thoroughly disgusted.

Slipping out of the shower, I pulled on a sweater and a pair of jeans. The doorbell rang. I ran a brush through my hair as I dashed to get it.

"Oh. Hi." Grey stood in the doorframe, his strong, slender build perched on the top step.

"I was going to run down to the supermarket at the end of the road, my mum needs some baking soda. Do you wanta come?"

I smiled, yelled over my shoulder at my mum, and, without waiting for her answer, Grey and I set off.

"So what's up this weekend?"

"Not much. I have some junk to do on Monday, but other than that just boreing old week."

"What kind of junk?"

"Oh, this family counseling. My mother wants us to go."

"That sounds intresting." I glanced up at him.

"It sounds like crap." He questioned me as to why. He was getting on my nerves again. I hated it when people asked me how I felt. I glanced at his grey eyes.

"Because," I say, "my family is annoying. I haven't seen my dad home from work for more than two hours since," I paused. I didn't tell him the bit about running away from the last appointment I had with Blair, "a while. My mother is too prim and proper to admit that she has a problem. My dad doesn't care."

"Why don't you go?"

"I'll just blow it off. We should go out with Emily and them Monday night."

"No." I looked at him, surpised. Grey continued, "You should go. Really. Just try, you know, to work through this stuff."

I didn't say anything. He did. "Please. Just this once. I know that familes suck, my parents divorced when I was ten, and when my mother remarried I thought that I'd hate my stepdad." I didn't know this piece of infomation, we rarely talked about familes, I avoided it. He smiled and me. "But now, he's one of the best guys I know."

"Please just go. Just this once."

Chapter Nineteen

I sifted my peas around my plate with my fork. Dad stuffed the mashed potatoes hungrily into his mouth, while Mum delicately placeed a pea in her mouth.

"We had a call from one of your teachers this afternoon," Dad started.

"Oh really? Which one?" I knew perfectly well the who what where of this situation, but caring was a different matter.

"Mrs. V something."

"Yep."

"Alice."

"Mm?" I ignored the warning in his voice.

"Your teacher says that you are falling behind. She's had your study periods changed so that you'll be with her. We also talked to your guidance counselor. He thinks that you should drop art until you can pick up your English grade."

"Okay. My art teacher has issues anyway."

"What kind of issues?"

"My guidance counselor encouraged you to talk to me about this didn't he?"

My father ignored me, proving my point. "What kind of issues?"

"Stuff." He encourages me to explain. I don't.

"Alice, your guidance counselor Mr. Blatt also recommends that we take you back to Blair, the psychiatrist. We have an appointment Monday."

"We?"

"Yes," my mother picked up from here, "Family counseling."

Chapter Eighteen

Grey gently places the frog back into his tank. "We really should name the little thing you know. It's been about a month."

"Yeah you're right." I handled the bag of insects carefully, made sure that the opening was fully in the tank. I slid the cover shut as far as I could. The crickets fell into the frog's home as I shook the clear plastic bag. The lid firmly shut, I trashed the waste from that day's tank cleaning.

"It's sort of pointless to call him Hoppy with a broken leg isn't it?" I squirted Purell onto my hands.

"Haha yeah. How about Kermit?" Grey suggested.

"Jefferson?"

"George Bush?" I laugh.

"Mohawk. You know, 'cause of that stripe down his back."

Grey smiled and agreed. We both paused and looked at the little fellow. He was a faint brown, small splashes of darker brown floating about on his body. His little leg, wrapped in a baby splint, looked awkard and out of place. A deep expresso stripe ran down his back.

"Oh shoot. I've got to get home." Grey checked his watch. I nod, waved him off when we reached the front door.

Going back to my room, I picked up the little brown frog. "Hey sweetie. Do you like your new name?" Mohawk didn't answer. He squirmed slightly, but soon stopped. I stroked his back gently, moved him closer to my face. Smiling, I touched my lips gently on his back. "You're a cute little frog aren't you?" I smiled at him as I drew my head away. I placed Mohawk delicatly back in his cage and went downstairs to finish up my homework.

Chapter Twenty Four

"Would you bring me the sewing box in my cuboard please?" Mum asked from her sewing chair in the living room. I agreed and slipped into her closet. It was a small closet, long, but wide enough just for her outfits to hang without brushing the door. I brushed past proper buisness suits, colourless flower prints. I stubbed my toe on something, gave a little yelp. Bending down, I picked up the sewing box. It was a dark wood, with a quilted pattern on the front. As I turned to leave, my hand ran against a silky texture.


The dress was far too small to fit my mother now, it was a teenager's dress. A cascade of deep red silk flowed to the floor. The top was bunched together, two beaded straps hung down over the dress, earthy brown beads and small shimmering silver ones that would grace the wearer's shoulders.

"Alice!" I snapped out of my thoughts as my mother's voice pierced the quiet. I dashed down the steps, handed her the sewing box at the bottom.

"Mum?" She looked up from the repair she was doing to a pair of black pants. "Whos dress is that in your closet? The red one?"

She smiled ruefully. "It was my prom dress." I smiled back and rushed upstairs, thoughts of my mother, young, smiling, free of this burden, this pressure that holds her shoulders tense, the red silk flowing down her legs, a handsome young man at her side.


Before I know it the dress is gently resting in my arms, and I am carrying it carefully up to my room on the third floor. I pull off my jeans and t-shirt, undo a zip at the side of the gown. I hadn't brushed my hair for a few hours, it hung loose and slightly puffed around my shoulders. I stepped delicately into the dress, easing it around my body. I thought quietly of Jimmy, a teenager, wearing a tux, greeting his girl.


I straightened, maneuvered my arms into the beaded strap. My chest didn't quite fill out the front, but there was a gentle curve around my hips that the fabric subtly accented. The silk didn't shimmer, but it glowed where the light hit it. My body slowly roatatin, my thoughts wandered to Grey. I thoughtof his hair, his hands, his deep green eyes that looked straight into places I didn't know existed.


It came like the fire that flares as a match is lit, I love him, I love him, and he is, and I am, and I want us to be together, I want feel those stong arms around me. Those gentle lips pressed against mine, and my body is aching, aching with this thing I didn't know exsisted.


I hugged myself. I wistfully slipped off the dress, touched the fabric lightly, changed back into my clothes. I wondered if Jimmy would have ever felt this way about a girl. And I realized, I understood, that Jimmy may or may not have felt like this if he were here, yet even though he isn't, I feel this way about Grey, and I love him, and I love him, and I love him.

Chapter Seventeen

I racked through the jeans, looking for a medium. Small, extra small, large. No medium. I sighed.

"He likes you." I jumped. Emily smiled at me, rows of straight teeth sparkling between cherry red lips. Her curly black hair fell in ringlets around her shoulders. "What?"

"Grey. He likes you."

"No, he doesn't."


She snorted. "Yes he does. Look at the way he flirts with you!"

"We're friends. We're partners in the science fair together." I thought of the little frog, wondered if he was okay. The little guy was doing better, his splint would come off next week. He still wasn't ready to go out into the wild, but he was on the mend.

Emily interrupted my thoughts, "He's so been flirting with you. Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

"Yes. He was a jerk."

"They often are." We sniggered. I gave up the search for jeans. We left Macy's, huddled in a group, chatting, giggling. I had never felt such a part of anything, never been the one to smile stupidly or laugh at a pointless joke.


But it was a Yo Mamma joke that set it off. My thoughts rushed to my own 'mamma,' her shoulders, her super clean life. Then it was Jimmy, it was Jimmy, and I was laughing, and Jimmy wasn't, Jimmy was gone, and I shouldn't laugh, I couldn't smile. Jimmy wasn't, and I was, and why should I have fun when it was my fault, all my fault.



They continued laughing. I slipped off into the restroom. The door bolted, I slid down into the corner, my black hair sweeping over my shoulders, obscuring my view.



"Where's you brother?" She has on a light, flowy dress, patterned in magenta flowers. I don't know, I tell her. I think back to the morning, it was a rush, I don't quite remember. Fifteen minutes tick by. My father offers to go ask one of the teachers, I see his back as he heads toward the school. A thought trickles into my head.



"Mum! Mum, I forgot to tell him. We were rushing to school, and I forgot to tell him that we were being picked up. He's on the bus." Mum smiles, a worried smile, and tells me to run after my father. I do. I crash into his tall legs. He turns around, a loose, strong face trimmed with a goatee. He looks down at me as I explain and he pulls my hand as we turn to jog to my mother. My lunchbag whacks the side of my knee with each stride.

They whisper quietly as I tease a loose thread in my shirt. Daddy runs back into the building, he is quick.


"No," he says when he comes back. Creases of worry line my mother's face. The thread is now all the way out, I put it in my mouth and chew. "His bus left twenty minutes ago."

Chapter Sixteen

Rod, Max, Sammy, Emily, Grey and I sat down at a table, our trays heaped with a variety of junk food. I nibbled quietly at a slice of pizza. They discussed what shop to go to next. I kept a distance from the conversation. "Alice, where would you like to go?"Rod questioned.

"Nowhere."


He looked taken back, but returned to the conversation. Grey kept glancing over at me, made eye contact quickly then looked away. It was annoying. The group ditched their trays and headed, laughing, to the next shop. I slowly put my trash in the bin. Grey stopped to tie his shoelace again. This was annoying me. His shoelace didn't even need tying.

I walked ahead. The group had already gone on, the boys telling dumb jokes, the girls giggling just as stupidly. Grey caught up to me. "Smile."

"What?" I shook my head, questioning this demand.

"Smile." My lips curled up slightly, but my eyebrows furrowed at him with a look that said, "This is stupid."

"That's not a smile."


"Okay?"

I glanced at his tall frame. Then suddenly, his hands were around my waist, and I was in the air, upside down, my hair hanging loose and waving gently against the floor. I didn't notice the quizzical stares that took in a tall boy holding a shrieking girl upside down. "PUT ME DOWN! GREY!"

Ahead of us, the group turned around. "Grey!" Emily giggled, "What are you doing? Put the poor thing down." He smiled. Grey put a hand under my back, cradled me for a quick second. Had I been madly in love with him, I would have kissed him, right there, nesting in his strong arms. However, I was not madly in love. And anyway, I wasn't nesting in arms. In fact, I was shrieking. He let go of my legs, set me gently on the floor.


"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" I was on him instantly. The group had already headed toward the next shop.

He grinned, "I sure turned that frown upside down didn't I?" I couldn't help it. My lips slowly formed a smile, and before I knew it, for the first time in five years, I was laughing. Laughing because something was funny, laughing because laughter felt right.

Chapter Fifteen

The phone rang, once, twice. "Would you get it?" Mum yells from downstairs. I didn't reply, continued to stare at the ceiling. She sighs and answers, "Hayes' residence." She can't just say hello? She calls up, "Alice, it's for you!"

Groaning quietly, I pulled myself up and trudged to the phone. "Hellooo?"

"Alice?" I was too bored and tired and sick to figure out who this was.

"No. It's her twin sister." Silence on the other end. "Yes it's Alice. Who is this?"

"Oh. It's Grey. Some of us from school are going to the mall. Do you want to come?" No I don't want to come. I don't like shopping. I'm depressed. I don't like people today. Go away. Anyway, who do you know from school? You just moved here. No, I'm not going.

"Yeah I'll go, what time?"

~~~

A few minutes later I hung up the phone, explained to my mother, who was scrubbing the pipes under the bathroom sink. "They're ugly when they're dirty," she explained when I asked. I washed my face in the other bathroom, changed out of my pajamas and slipped into my pocket a small rock, smooth, black.

I answered the doorbell, shoving flip flops onto my feet as I did so. Grey smiled, that childish yet mature grin. I yell bye and head out the door.

Halfway up the driveway, Grey bent down to tie his shoelace, I continued toward a crowded mini van. "Alice?"

I stopped and turned, but kept my mouth shut. He however, did not. "What's up?" I raised an eyebrow, asked him, "Nothing, you?"

"No, I mean, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing." I continued to the car, puzzled. How does he know I'm tired, angry, depressed, fed up, hateful and so not in the mood to get out of bed today? He stood up and ran to catch up to me. As we climbed into the car, and he whispered in my ear, "I'm a good listener." I turned away and greeted the mess of teenagers wedged into the van.