So sorry everyone, I've had this post up on the wrong blog! Silly me!
I wasn't exactly sure what my world was when I woke up the next morning. I woke up the way I always do, in my bed, cozy, murmuring through the last of my dreams. I pulled myself reluctantly out of bed, and the day before slowly came back to me. I tried to put in order what had happened, telling Grey about my brother, going for a walk, holding his hand, resting on his shoulder.But it was too exhausting, and I climbed back into bed, falling asleep instantly.
~~~~
I walked down to Grey's a few hours later. I stood on the porch, staring at the door knocker. I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do. It was a green door, obviously painted within the last few months. The knocker was a simple gold coloured, a small peephole above it. I stared intensely. I jumped suddenly as the door flew open. Mrs. Fortin shrieked a small shriek, then regained her posture and smiled.
"Would you like to come in?"
"Yes please." I awkwardly stepped inside, Mrs. Fortin inspecting me curiously as I passed. A large, round man was reading a tremendously thick book at the table. He looked up as I came in, removed his glasses. He was in his fifties I guessed, sparse hair a pepper grey. He smiled and stood up.
"Edward Fortin," he extended a hand, which I shook, giving him my name. He smiled again, a nice, cozy warm smile.
"Is Grey here?"
"Yeppers," Grey responded, coming around from the hall. "So you've met my dad." He smiled. "Let me grab my jacket and we can take a walk," Grey grinned encouragingly.
Outside, Grey told me that his Dad had been away for business, he sold some type of insurance package. I slipped my hand into Grey's, a subtle relief washing over me. He squeezed my hand, and I suddenly started talking stupidly, babbling really.
"That'scoolabnoutyourdad,doyouevergowithhim,causetravelingisgreat,Ilovetraveling,butwerarelyeverdo.IwantagotoAfrica,thatsoundssocool. What do you think?"Grey seemed to ponder the question, which had come quite out of the blue, my mouth running like a skittish horse that's been shot in the backside with a dart.
"Let's make this official. Alice, will you go out with me?"
"Well. That's a question I've been wondering about," I smiled down at my coat, trying not to show that I had never been asked out by someone I actually fancied. "More out of the blue than my question I guess."
Friday, January 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Chapter After the Last One
I felt drained, empty, like the substance that had been filling me up was now gone, and a hundred other things were rushing to take that space. I slipped Mohawk back into his cage, hoping that Grey wouldn't notice my hands quivering.
"Eff it," I whispered quietly to myself, realizing how much I was trying to control what he could already see. My hands shook and my feet danced restlessly, I couldn't get the lid to Mohawk's cage back on, tears were beginning to form and I was constantly sucking blood from an aching lip.
Grey stood up, gently moved my hands and did the latch on the cage. He handed me a tissue from my desk, which I took gratefully, first wiping my tears then my lip. Small patches of red appeared on the tissue. I sucked my lip, salty blood mixing with saliva.
"Alice? Alice, let's go out. Take a walk."
"Okay," I didn't have the energy to resist. He took my hand, squeezed it for a minute. "If you go tell your mum that we're going for a walk, I'll go out the window and ring the bell. I don't want her to be suspicious about me being in the house after she just sent me away."
I nodded, sniffled. My mother was surprised to see me, awkward, not quite sure what to say. I didn't want to talk about what had happened, I wasn't ready, not yet. She let me go out, with promises to be back within the hour. The doorbell rang.
~~~~~~~~~~
We didn't speak. There was nothing left to be said. I held his hand, and that was comforting. A sudden and vicious wave of exhaustion had hit me. His hand was warm, warm and gentle and strong, and I needed it, I needed it to stay up.
I paused by the entrance to the pond. I wondered sleepily if I wanted to enter, really wanted to go in. "They found a piece of his shirt here." It was the first word that either of us had uttered since leaving the house. He squeezed my hand. A large white sign hung on the gate.
"Eff it," I whispered quietly to myself, realizing how much I was trying to control what he could already see. My hands shook and my feet danced restlessly, I couldn't get the lid to Mohawk's cage back on, tears were beginning to form and I was constantly sucking blood from an aching lip.
Grey stood up, gently moved my hands and did the latch on the cage. He handed me a tissue from my desk, which I took gratefully, first wiping my tears then my lip. Small patches of red appeared on the tissue. I sucked my lip, salty blood mixing with saliva.
"Alice? Alice, let's go out. Take a walk."
"Okay," I didn't have the energy to resist. He took my hand, squeezed it for a minute. "If you go tell your mum that we're going for a walk, I'll go out the window and ring the bell. I don't want her to be suspicious about me being in the house after she just sent me away."
I nodded, sniffled. My mother was surprised to see me, awkward, not quite sure what to say. I didn't want to talk about what had happened, I wasn't ready, not yet. She let me go out, with promises to be back within the hour. The doorbell rang.
~~~~~~~~~~
We didn't speak. There was nothing left to be said. I held his hand, and that was comforting. A sudden and vicious wave of exhaustion had hit me. His hand was warm, warm and gentle and strong, and I needed it, I needed it to stay up.
I paused by the entrance to the pond. I wondered sleepily if I wanted to enter, really wanted to go in. "They found a piece of his shirt here." It was the first word that either of us had uttered since leaving the house. He squeezed my hand. A large white sign hung on the gate.
CLOSED FOR CONSTRUCTION
So they were redoing the pond. My senses were dulled, I didn't have the energy care. Tomorrow, I would. But not now. Beyond the wire fence the construction didn't seem to have really started, the benches had been pulled out and stacked, a small bulldozer parked in the corner. The pond though, and the trees and the bushed, had been left untouched for now.
Grey glanced over at me. He stuck a shoe into the fence, tested the wire's strength and hoisted himself up. "You coming?" I smiled, still licking tears that fell to my lips. The fence dug into my palms, but we were soon at the top, where we tumbled down back down on the other side.
Brushing ourselves off, he reached for my hand again.
I felt calmer now, softer almost, if one can feel soft. Sleepy, relaxed. I glanced up at the small tree, the tree where I had, five years ago, found a torn piece of cloth. I didn't know what they were going to do to this place, tear it down maybe. I wondered if the tree would stay. Grey led me to a large boulder near the edge of the pond. Resting on the boulder, I closed my eyes and leaned against his shoulder, the sounds, the sounds that were so alive, crickets and birds, small animals that rustled in the undergrowth, licking in and out of my brain. My lips were sore and chapped, but they no longer bled.
I peeked at the tree again as Grey wrapped his arm around my shoulder. Maybe, I thought, Grey's smell and the exhaustion from what I had finally done taking it's toll on me, maybe it's time for them to rebuild this pond. It needs some cleaning up. The last thing I saw before I fell asleep on his shoulder was Grey's faded red shirt, and I smiled.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Chapter Twenty Seven (sorta, I think)
He hoisted his arm up so that he was holding on by his armpits, bare feet most likely gripping the drain pipe. I know. I could get up and down that gutter pipe with my eyes closed.
"A hand please?" Grey grunted, shifting.
"Oh I'm sorry, what did you say?" I thought briefly of smiling innocently, but I didn't feel like smiling in any way, shape, or form, so I didn't.
"Help up. Please," he was going red.
"I really think that I have something in my ear. Let me go wash it out. One minute."
I chuckled bitterly, walked to the bathroom and back.
"Okay better. What did you want?" He was still struggling.
"Hell-" he grunted.
"You bad boy." I didn't say it with any enthusiasm.
He made the 'p' sound. "HELP!"
"Oh. Why didn't you just say so?" I hauled him in. He brushed himself off. "The door," I pointed, "is that way. I highly recommend that you use it."
He ignored me, kicking aside plates of stale pizza and bags of crisps that had spilled across the floor. He sat down on the bed and surveyed the room.
"Want to talk?" I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.
"What do you think?"
"That you need to get your butt out of this room." I shot what I hoped was a piercing glance in his direction.
"Grey, I have stuff to do. I would love you to stay, but that's just not going to happen. Thanks for stopping by."
He didn't move. I wriggled my toes inside my socks, listening to the silence. It was quiet, and the quiet hung like a barrier between us. It reminded me of what I needed to do, what I had needed to do for the past five years, what he knew I needed to do.
"I should have told not to get on the bus. We had dentist appointments, and our parents were picking us up." I shifted. Grey waited.
"But he got on the bus, because I forgot to tell him not to. When we found out that he was on the bus, we drove to the bus stop. We met one of the kids on the way, he rode that bus," I paused, walked over to Mohawk's cage. I glanced at Grey. He was watching me.
Picking Mohawk up, I continued,"He told us that yes, he had seen Jimmy on the bus. The bus had just stopped at our stop. So we drove along the roads that Jimmy and I walked every day," I stroked Mohawk gently. He moved his bad leg awkwardly. Grey smiled encouraging. "My mum had this look on her face. It was as if someone had drawn wrinkles on her forehead. In ten minutes she looked ten years older. 'He's probably at home. Yes, he is.' She started arguing with herself. My dad was all business.
"He wasn't at home. He wasn't anywhere. An hour later, we called the police. An amber alert was sent out. The entire community flooded us with flowers and cards. They formed search parties."
I bit my lip. Mohawk sat contently in my palm. I examined his back as I continued, "But they didn't find him. They didn't even find a suspect. No one knew, no one does know, if he was taken or if he just wandered off and couldn't get back home. After a year we sorta gave up hope.
"My mum, she just stopped everything. She got a new wardrobe. No more flowy skirts, no colourful jewelry. Just business suits. She quit going to feminist meetings. She stopped cooking. She hired a maid to do that, so that she could spend all day cleaning. Don't ask."
"My dad, he just left, not as in got a new house, but he might have well of. He got promoted. He stopped playing pool in the basement. He didn't always come home for dinner. He still doesn't."
"This family didn't pull together. We just separated. I still remember lying on the floor in my room, and everything that I didn't want was in my head. The tears were pouring down my cheeks. And I knew, Grey, I knew that my mum was in her room, doing the exact same thing. But I couldn't go to her. I just couldn't." I glanced up at Grey. His head was down, staring at his hands, fidgeting in his lap.
He looked up at me. "What about you Alice? What happened to you?"
I smiled bitterly. "After a year, no one wanted to face it. No one has even now. Jimmy was dead. He couldn't still be alive." I bit my lip violently, my jaw quivering with strngth, gentle tears forming. My teeth broke the skin and small droplets of blood flowed into my mouth. I kissed Mohawk gently, swallowing the blood. "After that time in my room, I realized how pointless this was. I hated it. I friggin' hated going home every day and sobbing alone on the floor of my room. So I stopped. I just stopped. I kept my mouth shut. I stopped trying to tell my parents that I was sorry. I went quiet. I stopped believing in people. In life. I just gave up.
"But I still blamed myself. I still do."
"Why?" He brought his head up and waited.
"Because it was my fault. I should have told Jimmy not to go on the bus. I never did. If I had, he would still be here. But I didn't, and he's not. I killed him Grey, it was my fault."
There was a long pause. I watched thoughts running through his head. I held a proud face, but tears were streaming gently down my face. I rubbed Mohawk with the back of my thumb.
Grey looked up at me. I looked, gazed, stared into his eyes. I didn't know what he saw in mine, but I gave it to him. I let him see, I let him have whatever was there for him to take.
"I'm sorry," he said finally, looking back down at his hands. I looked back at Mohawk, ran my tongue along the cuts on my lip.
"I am too Grey. I am too."
"A hand please?" Grey grunted, shifting.
"Oh I'm sorry, what did you say?" I thought briefly of smiling innocently, but I didn't feel like smiling in any way, shape, or form, so I didn't.
"Help up. Please," he was going red.
"I really think that I have something in my ear. Let me go wash it out. One minute."
I chuckled bitterly, walked to the bathroom and back.
"Okay better. What did you want?" He was still struggling.
"Hell-" he grunted.
"You bad boy." I didn't say it with any enthusiasm.
He made the 'p' sound. "HELP!"
"Oh. Why didn't you just say so?" I hauled him in. He brushed himself off. "The door," I pointed, "is that way. I highly recommend that you use it."
He ignored me, kicking aside plates of stale pizza and bags of crisps that had spilled across the floor. He sat down on the bed and surveyed the room.
"Want to talk?" I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.
"What do you think?"
"That you need to get your butt out of this room." I shot what I hoped was a piercing glance in his direction.
"Grey, I have stuff to do. I would love you to stay, but that's just not going to happen. Thanks for stopping by."
He didn't move. I wriggled my toes inside my socks, listening to the silence. It was quiet, and the quiet hung like a barrier between us. It reminded me of what I needed to do, what I had needed to do for the past five years, what he knew I needed to do.
"I should have told not to get on the bus. We had dentist appointments, and our parents were picking us up." I shifted. Grey waited.
"But he got on the bus, because I forgot to tell him not to. When we found out that he was on the bus, we drove to the bus stop. We met one of the kids on the way, he rode that bus," I paused, walked over to Mohawk's cage. I glanced at Grey. He was watching me.
Picking Mohawk up, I continued,"He told us that yes, he had seen Jimmy on the bus. The bus had just stopped at our stop. So we drove along the roads that Jimmy and I walked every day," I stroked Mohawk gently. He moved his bad leg awkwardly. Grey smiled encouraging. "My mum had this look on her face. It was as if someone had drawn wrinkles on her forehead. In ten minutes she looked ten years older. 'He's probably at home. Yes, he is.' She started arguing with herself. My dad was all business.
"He wasn't at home. He wasn't anywhere. An hour later, we called the police. An amber alert was sent out. The entire community flooded us with flowers and cards. They formed search parties."
I bit my lip. Mohawk sat contently in my palm. I examined his back as I continued, "But they didn't find him. They didn't even find a suspect. No one knew, no one does know, if he was taken or if he just wandered off and couldn't get back home. After a year we sorta gave up hope.
"My mum, she just stopped everything. She got a new wardrobe. No more flowy skirts, no colourful jewelry. Just business suits. She quit going to feminist meetings. She stopped cooking. She hired a maid to do that, so that she could spend all day cleaning. Don't ask."
"My dad, he just left, not as in got a new house, but he might have well of. He got promoted. He stopped playing pool in the basement. He didn't always come home for dinner. He still doesn't."
"This family didn't pull together. We just separated. I still remember lying on the floor in my room, and everything that I didn't want was in my head. The tears were pouring down my cheeks. And I knew, Grey, I knew that my mum was in her room, doing the exact same thing. But I couldn't go to her. I just couldn't." I glanced up at Grey. His head was down, staring at his hands, fidgeting in his lap.
He looked up at me. "What about you Alice? What happened to you?"
I smiled bitterly. "After a year, no one wanted to face it. No one has even now. Jimmy was dead. He couldn't still be alive." I bit my lip violently, my jaw quivering with strngth, gentle tears forming. My teeth broke the skin and small droplets of blood flowed into my mouth. I kissed Mohawk gently, swallowing the blood. "After that time in my room, I realized how pointless this was. I hated it. I friggin' hated going home every day and sobbing alone on the floor of my room. So I stopped. I just stopped. I kept my mouth shut. I stopped trying to tell my parents that I was sorry. I went quiet. I stopped believing in people. In life. I just gave up.
"But I still blamed myself. I still do."
"Why?" He brought his head up and waited.
"Because it was my fault. I should have told Jimmy not to go on the bus. I never did. If I had, he would still be here. But I didn't, and he's not. I killed him Grey, it was my fault."
There was a long pause. I watched thoughts running through his head. I held a proud face, but tears were streaming gently down my face. I rubbed Mohawk with the back of my thumb.
Grey looked up at me. I looked, gazed, stared into his eyes. I didn't know what he saw in mine, but I gave it to him. I let him see, I let him have whatever was there for him to take.
"I'm sorry," he said finally, looking back down at his hands. I looked back at Mohawk, ran my tongue along the cuts on my lip.
"I am too Grey. I am too."
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Chapter Twenty Six
I counted the dots on my ceiling. I connected them. When I had finished that, I made up stories for the dot creatures. And when I was done that, I stared at the ceiling some more.
There was a knock on the door.
"No!"
"Alice."
"I'm changing," I didn't move.
"Grey is here." My mother sounded anxious. I could imagine her on the other side of the door, leaning back, wondering what to do with her screwed up daughter. Well, she could do whatever she darn well pleased. I wasn't moving.
"Alice, please unlock the door and let Grey in." I didn't say anything. She sighed heavily and her footsteps sounded away from the door. I imagined her telling Grey how sorry she was, but Alice is feeling sick right now, why don't you come back another time thank-you-very-much. I felt a little sorry, but I got over it.
The ceiling was an off white cream colour. There were small little scratches and a few little dots. There was a mark from where I had thrown a sticky frog up there a few years back.
Pling.
I jumped and swiveled my head around. A face peered in at me from the window. I rolled my eyes angrily, getting up. I threw open the window.
"What'd you want Grey?"
There was a knock on the door.
"No!"
"Alice."
"I'm changing," I didn't move.
"Grey is here." My mother sounded anxious. I could imagine her on the other side of the door, leaning back, wondering what to do with her screwed up daughter. Well, she could do whatever she darn well pleased. I wasn't moving.
"Alice, please unlock the door and let Grey in." I didn't say anything. She sighed heavily and her footsteps sounded away from the door. I imagined her telling Grey how sorry she was, but Alice is feeling sick right now, why don't you come back another time thank-you-very-much. I felt a little sorry, but I got over it.
The ceiling was an off white cream colour. There were small little scratches and a few little dots. There was a mark from where I had thrown a sticky frog up there a few years back.
Pling.
I jumped and swiveled my head around. A face peered in at me from the window. I rolled my eyes angrily, getting up. I threw open the window.
"What'd you want Grey?"
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Summary for New Readers
Yeah, I know, there's a whole lot here, and chances are, you'd look at it all, say, "Oh I'll read it later," and never come back.
So here is a quick summary. Details are not included.
When Alice Hayes was ten, her brother, who was five, got off the school bus by himself. Alice had gotten a ride but forgotten to tell her brother Jimmy. After getting off the school bus, Jimmy never reached home.
No one knows what happened to him. However, five years later, Alice's life isn't all fun and games. Her father is always at work and her mother has grown tense and believes that each and every speck of the house should be spotless. Alice is sarcastic and cold, she would rather run away than stick around.
Alice and the new kid on the block rescue a frog off the middle of the street and help him get better. Alice however has recently discovered that she wants to be more than friends with the 'new kid' Grey, but she's still struggling with guilt over her brother.
Please read as much as the story as you can, because I assure you that it is a lot better than this summary!
Enjoy and please comment!
So here is a quick summary. Details are not included.
When Alice Hayes was ten, her brother, who was five, got off the school bus by himself. Alice had gotten a ride but forgotten to tell her brother Jimmy. After getting off the school bus, Jimmy never reached home.
No one knows what happened to him. However, five years later, Alice's life isn't all fun and games. Her father is always at work and her mother has grown tense and believes that each and every speck of the house should be spotless. Alice is sarcastic and cold, she would rather run away than stick around.
Alice and the new kid on the block rescue a frog off the middle of the street and help him get better. Alice however has recently discovered that she wants to be more than friends with the 'new kid' Grey, but she's still struggling with guilt over her brother.
Please read as much as the story as you can, because I assure you that it is a lot better than this summary!
Enjoy and please comment!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Chapter Twenty Seven (I think)
"Alice?" I jumped as I swung around a crowded corner, Grey's face inches from my own.
"Oh, Grey, sorry," I apologized, embarrassed, and dodged around him, merging into the throng of students pressing to get to class. The moment replayed itself in my head, a stupid collision, nothing that really mattered.
Yet I couldn't stop thinking about him. I wandered toward my class, my mind replaying the scene and replaying and replaying. It was working, my mind, pushing, asking for something.
"Really, just try to work through this stuff."
I could feel my heart thumping against the binder that I crushed against my chest.
"You don't even have to come in."
Thump, thump. Something was slipping. Is slipping. Was, is is is was is was
Where is he? Where is he? Mum? Why isn't he home?
Students pushed pass me, one after another.
Well it won't do the little thing any good sitting there like that"
Grey, Grey.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, next time I'll tell him, next time I'll wait for him. Please, where is he?
No, no, Grey, please, Grey.
Where is he? Where is he? Why isn't he here?
It's rising in my throat, it's too big, I can't control it, hot tears,
"Haha yeah, how about Kermit?"
start streaming, streaming down my face,
You keep it! No, no, it's his, he found it at the beach, it's his stone, it's not mine, no
I can't, I can't, Grey, Jimmy, Grey, Mohawk, my head, no, no, my head
no, take it, please take it, get it out of my pocket, I can't take it, I can't I can't because, because
it hurts, where are my legs they are on the floor, why am I on the floor why is everyone staring at me
BECAUSE I KILLED HIM
Where am I? Jimmy? Jimmy? We're taking the bus today, please sweetie, get on the bus with me, come on, the bell just rung, we need to catch the bus, help me up I need to get up and get the bus, please
"I sure turned that smile upside down."
My head hit the floor and my eyes slammed shut.
"Oh, Grey, sorry," I apologized, embarrassed, and dodged around him, merging into the throng of students pressing to get to class. The moment replayed itself in my head, a stupid collision, nothing that really mattered.
Yet I couldn't stop thinking about him. I wandered toward my class, my mind replaying the scene and replaying and replaying. It was working, my mind, pushing, asking for something.
"Really, just try to work through this stuff."
I could feel my heart thumping against the binder that I crushed against my chest.
"You don't even have to come in."
Thump, thump. Something was slipping. Is slipping. Was, is is is was is was
Where is he? Where is he? Mum? Why isn't he home?
Students pushed pass me, one after another.
Well it won't do the little thing any good sitting there like that"
Grey, Grey.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, next time I'll tell him, next time I'll wait for him. Please, where is he?
No, no, Grey, please, Grey.
Where is he? Where is he? Why isn't he here?
It's rising in my throat, it's too big, I can't control it, hot tears,
"Haha yeah, how about Kermit?"
start streaming, streaming down my face,
You keep it! No, no, it's his, he found it at the beach, it's his stone, it's not mine, no
I can't, I can't, Grey, Jimmy, Grey, Mohawk, my head, no, no, my head
no, take it, please take it, get it out of my pocket, I can't take it, I can't I can't because, because
it hurts, where are my legs they are on the floor, why am I on the floor why is everyone staring at me
BECAUSE I KILLED HIM
Where am I? Jimmy? Jimmy? We're taking the bus today, please sweetie, get on the bus with me, come on, the bell just rung, we need to catch the bus, help me up I need to get up and get the bus, please
"I sure turned that smile upside down."
My head hit the floor and my eyes slammed shut.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
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